Apparently service workers have to be perfect and nice and friendly all the time and having a bad day is a violation of customers' boundaries. Defensive people aren’t listening while you’re talking; they’re personalizing what you say and crafting a response. Their response has much more to do with them than it does with you. They are focused only on getting their needs met and resisting any change in your dynamic. But healthy relationships are not one-sided. The needs of both individuals are equally important.”

Set Boundaries, Find Peace, A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Set Boundaries, Find Peace, A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by

Karena pondasi itu pula, aku terbiasa mengatakan "tidak" & menyampaikan batasanku kepada kolega. Menolak pekerjaan yg melawan "moral compass" hingga menyatakan kalau nggak bisa "diganggu" di luar jam kerja memang terkesan arogan kalau nggak tahu cara menyampaikannya. Tapi, kalau kita nggak belajar buat "saying in the right tone", ya orang lain akan merasa bebas "to violate our boundaries." It becomes very clear that such negotiations happen and discussions on boundaries should happen in these areas once you take into account the lived realities of many people in very different situations. Someone who is disempowered by systemic issues will have to make these concessions daily. I was humbled reading this book, y'all! A mental health clinician myself, I knew about boundaries and thought I understood their importance... WRONG! The health of boundaries is a lens through which you can view all discomfort. Learning about these many intersections made me a better therapist (chapter 6 is solutions-focused magic and I've already seen clients reap its rewards!). Boundaries to Consider I say no to things I don’t like. I say no to things that don’t contribute to my growth. I say no to things that rob me of valuable time. I spend time around healthy people. I reduce my interactions with people who drain my energy. I protect my energy against people who threaten my sanity. I practice positive self-talk. I allow myself to feel and not judge my feelings. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I actively cultivate the best version of myself. I turn off my phone when appropriate. I sleep when I’m tired. I mind my business. I make tough decisions because they’re healthy for me. I create space for activities that bring me joy. I say yes to activities that interest me despite my anxiety about trying them. I experience things alone instead of waiting for the “right” people to join me.”Buku ini bagus. Aku sudah suka sejak bagian kata pengantar. Setiap babnya terdiri dari studi kasus, penjelasan, hingga latihan yg bisa dilakukan agar tidak jadi "yes man" terus. For example, one of the situations given were that someone's father had a drinking problem and consistently is verbally abusive and disruptive when he drinks at family events. The suggestion given was for the son to set the boundary for his father not to drink at family events. I am curious to know what else has been tried - some of which has been discussed in the example - but I would like to know if the father has sought help? Has the family decided that having an alcohol-free event might be helpful to his health, or just not inviting him to these events, and if so, what were the reasons for not employing these strategies instead? Is the father aware and pro-active in suggesting his own behavioural changes or not? How has this worked over time - were there lapses, did they use and discard strategies? Has anyone considered a more drastic boundary (like cutting him off) and what were some considerations and pains to that? Are there any safety issues such as retaliation or escalation of violence? The hardest thing about implementing boundaries is accepting that some people won’t like, understand, or agree with yours. Once you grow beyond pleasing others, setting your standards becomes easier. Not being liked by everyone is a small consequence when you consider the overall reward of healthier relationships.” This book is a capitalist’s wet dream. It repeatedly drills into your head that you are responsible for every aspect of your life if you only take action. If you set boundaries, then your relationships will be healthy. If you don’t talk negatively about yourself, then people won’t talk negatively about you. If you work hard, then you will be rewarded. And I think a big reason this book is so popular is because a large number of people agree with this point of view of the world. They can’t or refuse to see the myriad of factors that affect the life circumstances of every person on this planet. The ability to say no to yourself is a gift. If you can resist your urges, change your habits, and say yes to only what you deem truly meaningful, you’ll be practicing healthy self-boundaries. It’s your responsibility to care for yourself without excuses.”

Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to [PDF] [EPUB] Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to

I mean… that’s how her day is going. If you didn’t want to know, why did you ask? So everyone has to understand these unspoken (American) social rules? (This example is a little ridiculous but I hate the forced "how are you"s Americans ask to everyone when they clearly don't care) Dengan dugaan kalau aku akan menemukan cara menyampaikan batasanku & bagaimana kami mengelola batasan itu, ternyata buku ini melebihi ekspektasi. Nedra Glover Tawwab memberikan penjelasan yang bisa diaplikasikan dalam hubungan kerja dan keluarga (anak-orangtua). Set Boundaries, Find Peaceis a down-to-earth and practical guide on fully realizing your potential and giving yourself the freedom you deserve by clearly setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, friendships, and relationships. Eye-opening and thoroughly engaging.”Nothing other people do is because of you. It’s because of themselves. All people live in their own dream and their own mind. Even when words seem personal, such as a direct insult, they really have nothing to do with you. Aku bersyukur "didoktrin" oleh ayah & mamaku kalau sudah berada pada usia legal (17 tahun) berarti sudah bertanggung jawab atas hidupku sendiri. They are not trying to drive my life. Aku pun berkomunikasi dengan mereka bisa cuma sebatas FYI. Contohnya bilang, "Mam, aku pindah kerja." anxiety. It’s often triggered by setting unrealistic expectations, the inability to say no, people-pleasing, and the inability to be assertive.”

SET BOUNDARIES, FIND PEACE: A GUIDE TO RECLAIMING YOURSELF SET BOUNDARIES, FIND PEACE: A GUIDE TO RECLAIMING YOURSELF

I constantly work with my clients to depersonalize events and interactions with others. When we personalize, we negate the personal story and history of the other people involved. Personalizing assumes that everything is about us.” There were also some examples that weren't egregious but were still telling people what to do. Tawwab says herself to state things with "I first" language, and I guess that only extends to the first word of the sentence lol. But I feel like there are ways to state your need without telling someone exactly what to do to meet that need. Like instead of saying "you can only drink three drinks," say "I want both of us to spend time together fully aware and in the moment" or "I don’t like hanging out with you when you are drunk." Yes, this leaves how to meet the boundary up to interpretation but shouldn't boundaries be a discussion about how two people can meet each other's needs? I feel like it should be a conversation, but Tawwab clearly feels that you should state your needs, not explain yourself, and deal with the fallout, which just seems so miserable to me. Book clubs are essential for creating safe spaces to discuss and explore our emotional needs. This book club guide is a resource to help end the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of truly being yourself. I also found it strange that nearly all of her examples of boundaries are telling what the other person should do. I'm going to share these in Tawwab's favorite format: a list.This book is awesome for mental health professionals looking to learn and gain ready supports for clients, people struggling to keep healthy friendships, people seeking examples of how to approach balancing overbearing family relationships, and folks needing to reconcile their own relationship with work.