I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess. He must like flying a lot, and he lives in Neverland! 20. Do you know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trum-pet. One-liners are the most versatile tool in the dad-joke toolbox, because the teller doesn't have to wait for any setup. Just drop these into a conversation whenever there's a dull moment.

Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face? During my calculus test, I had to sit between identical twins. It was hard to differentiate between them. It made us laugh. But more importantly, we knew it would’ve made our dad laugh. For most of his life (or at least as long as I knew him), he was a huge advocate and gleeful teller of Dad Jokes. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime. Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her. Why can’t you do that?” “Are you insane?” he responded. “I barely know the woman!”A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.” My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf People are surprised that I have a Police record, but I love “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.”

In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart. I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows. What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let's get together and make a spectacle of ourselves. Audiences for these will have to get specific references to TVs, movies and other newsmakers before these jokes can be deployed, but it's good to have them at the ready.

12. Carbonara Family Feast for 4

I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic...It’s called the Plaguestation 5. I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice. If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What do you want?" The man says, "Oh, just some fruit punch." The bartender sighs and shakes his head, "If you want punch, you're gonna have to wait in line." The man looks around, but there is no punchline. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can't cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

If it evokes a reaction somewhere between cringing and earnest laughter, and you simultaneously want to tell the person sharing the joke to tell you more and also shut up because they’re embarrassing you in front of your friends, congratulations, you’re in the presence of a Dad joke. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn't working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine! When it comes to the cheesy dad jokes, don’t need to think too hard. Sometimes, it can feel like you’re trying to figure out some riddle only to realize that the answer is so cheesy! Cheesy punchlines will either make you groan in protest or go into giggles like it’s the funniest since sliced bread! In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke.

10. Short Sleeve Hawaiian Shirt

Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.