I’ve opted for seasonal sprinkles, but you could also decorate them with crushed candy canes for a wintery spin. And don’t forget to stir in your favorite flavorings, such as cherry or strawberry extract to give the pops a punch of fruity flavor. In a jug, mix Slingsby Rhubarb Gin with Fentimans Rose Lemonade and squeeze into the mixture 1 tbsp of agave syrup. As tempting as it is, please don't be too heavy with the gin as your lollies won't set! Oh how the mighty have fallen. The sharks are undeniably cool. That turquoise blue is stunning and immediately catches the eye when you walk into a dairy. And they actually look like sharks, which is rare in animal lollies. But they taste. like. nothing. And in this holy day and age, don’t we all just want to feel something? All sweet gum is gross after approximately ten (10) seconds or seven (7) chews. I’m honestly surprised these are still available. You do you, concrete gum. L-R: Pineapple lumps, rainbow bars, tangy grapes, crocodiles, spinning top gum

Cut the pineapple and add 200g of it to your blender, along with the coconut rum, agave nectar, and coconut milk. Blend until as smooth as possible. You know the ones. They’re not the tried and true gummy fruits. They’re the slightly off, brightly coloured gummies that are disturbingly soft to chew and have no place on a dairy shelf. Every once in a while you’ll choose them because surely they’re similar to the good fruit gummies. Every once in a while you’ll feel a fool. Hahaha sour grapes, get it? I thought this list would be way easier than the chips one but I’m already at 2200 words hahaha je suis sour grapes. Placing one of these on your tongue and feeling it dissolve like the mildest chemical burn is a uniquely New Zealand thrill. They’re also the best option in those weird lolly machines where you turn the handle and the sweets drop down the chute. Is this relevant to anyone? I’ve only ever seen them at Placemakers in Kaiwharawhara and VTNZ offices.My search for an image of “Y2K bug lollies” was futile. Turns out they’re called ‘sour spiders’ which is making me question every memory I’ve ever had. But I was right about them being Pascall at least.] If boiling sugar makes you run for the hills (or candy aisle!), have no fear. I’ve included all my candy-making tips in the recipe to guarantee sweet success. I discovered these late (year 12, shoutout Dilip’s Four Square in Wellington) but boy did I make up for lost time. Raspberry drops are easily the best value for money in that they last for ages and you get a bunch in every bag. The one downside is they make your tongue go red/purple which is fine for a kid after school and less fine for an adult in a work meeting. As far as taste and longevity goes, you simply cannot beat a raspberry drop. Is anyone really going to the dairy to buy Russian fudge? Russian fudge is to be bought at primary school fairs, made by that one mum who makes it every year even after her kids have left the school. It is to be bought in direct sunlight, not under the fluorescent hell of dairy lighting.

Is there anybody in the world who doesn’t enjoy a chocolate fish? The creaminess of the chocolate and the colour of the marshmallow may differ with brands but the iconicity stays the same. The pink mini ones most often found in dairies are dangerous in that you could probably eat a dozen before wondering if maybe you should stop. Chocolate fish are probably the only lollies on this list that you could put on a fancy dessert platter and get away with it. We stan a versatile fish. Whittaker’s toffee milk aka the extremely hard caramel chocolate that sits in a box on every dairy counter. Only now, probably thanks to health and safety regulations again, they’re sold separately in dollar bags. It’s not technically a “dollar bag” lolly in the same way that this list isn’t technically “journalism” and yet here we are. Toffee milk is the most sophisticated lolly you can buy from the dairy and for that reason alone, it deserves a top five placing. A truly sadistic move from whoever invented these tooth-decayers in the shape of teeth. They don’t even taste very good but you really can’t beat the interactive experience of moulding the fake teeth over your real teeth. Great gag and therefore great lolly.Not everything needs variations. I’m someone who still spends money on vanilla coke and even I have no interest in red coke bottles. I’ve noticed that people who are long in the tooth (euphemism and pun at the same time, you’re welcome) are very fond of these rainbow bars. I tasted one for the first time this week and I gotta tell you, I wasn’t impressed. What even is it? It tasted a little gooey like marshmallow but also jelly but also sugar granuley. Not a fan but I respect my elders so will rank it here. Boil a small amount of water in your kettle. Put the sugar into a jug with a splash of boiled water and stir until the sugar is dissolved.

Update: I realise I have forgotten jet planes but I’ve already assigned numbers so unless they go dead last, I’ll place them here. Jet planes are good but are supermarket lollies. Condolences.]Cut the watermelon up and put the chunks of watermelon flesh into a food processor and blend along with 100 ml of vodka Match at least 3 candies in a row to clear the board! Sweeten up the challenge as you crush assorted colorful candies through various quests in sweet colorful levels such as Lollipop Wood and Fudge Desert. These would be nice if they had any flavour, which I suppose could be said of cardboard as well. I say poo poo to the huhu. An unnecessary lolly that doesn’t even have the thrill of looking like its namesake. All I’m saying is, it doesn’t not look like a sperm and a tampon at the same time. L-R: Giant strawbs, gobstopper, red coke bottles, russian fudge, huhu grubs

Here are some circumstances that may be likely culprits to less than expected results. I had to eliminate a few before I was successful. The red Wonka liquorice ropes used to be stored in their bulk box, all stretched out and removed with a pair of tongs by god herself (the dairy owner). But for some reason, maybe health and safety regulations, they are now looped like a lasso rope and sold as a dollar bag. It’s taken away some of the fun but none of the flavour. Crash bandicoot avoiding blowpipes Combine bottlegreen bramble cordial, tequila, agave, lime juice into a shaker and top with one cup of water. You could argue that TNTs shouldn’t be in this list at all because they’re individually wrapped. You could argue that, and you probably will argue that, but it’s too late. What’s done is done. TNTs used to be sold separately and were one of the rare 10 cent lollies for the high rollers. But given the shift away from build-a-bags, they’re now sold almost exclusively as dollar bags. And what a dollar bag. They’re the only lolly with actual liquid in them and are proper sour. In lieu of putting the almighty zombie chew on this list, I put the mini equivalent.You have to really love a lolly to keep buying it even after learning of its cancelled name and concept. Nobody loves these lollies that much.