A Lesbian Mother's Handbook

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As co-founder of International Safe Zone and a counselor education professor at San Jose State University, I support college students, university staff, and faculty on various campuses by creating a safe space for LGBTQ students to express and explore identities without judgment. Not surprisingly, almost all Asian LGBTQ students I’ve worked with expressed that coming out to their Asian parents and family members is the most difficult part of their coming-out process. My conversations with those students underscore the challenges of growing up in a collectivistic household and community where heteronormative, hierarchical, and patriarchal norms prevail. A 23-year-old queer student illustrated the invisibility of being LGBTQ in the Asian community by saying that the people around her would not recognize her as a queer person, and therefore would not believe that LGBTQ people exist in their own community. A 20-year-old Asian lesbian student described her encounter with homophobia in her community: “What is more problematic is not only something obvious and visible—violence—but also invisible: cultural violence such as ignorance, prejudice, and disgust towards LGBTQ people.”

I never knew who was going to die first, but in less than a year, Teri was gone. Two days after the funeral I felt exhausted and empty and ready, at last, to go to Mom. My family had been mostly understanding about my dedication to Teri, but occasional comments from my brother — “you only have one Mom, you know” — and my aunt — “You’re coming, right? Because I don’t think I can get her to the doctor myself” — made me feel that my loyalty was in question.Our 4yr old son calls me Baboo– it’s Italian for dad but many in our area aren’t aware of that. The donor was 100% Italian, so he is 50% Italian, 50% Dutch/English. When he gets older, he can decide if he wants to call me mom or what… Get professional support prior to coming out. Mental health professionals can assist in the process of self-understanding and self-love by recognizing the toxic impact of internalized homophobic messages on self-image. Being a lesbian mom means navigating a unique set of challenges and joys. Knowing every journey is different, here is some of what you might expect. Lara, 41, and Ruth, 45, have been together for 10 years. They have seven-year-old twins, Bell and Isaac, and Ross, who is three and a half, and they live in north London Burundi is well known in the Great Lakes for its vibrant nightlife. Bujumbura has fewer than 500,000 inhabitants, but maintains a vivid youth culture.

Was mummy for a long time. Worked out I was non binary when kids were 3 and 6. They came up with jelly and treea as alternative names for me. Create a time and space to have an honest and courageous one-on-one conversation. Start with one trusted family member who might be affirming. Remember, this kind of conversation might be very new to an Asian family. Take a deep breath to slow down, especially if the conversation doesn’t go as expected. When our kiddo was a year old she started calling me Mommom and I absolutely adored it. She uses Mama more than Mommom but I get a little swell of love when I hear Mommom every couple of months. After being hit, one woman went to the police station only to be told that “the man who hit you deserves a prize, he was right to beat you up”.

Being a lesbian mom

It's complex, but what families aren't complicated?": Daksha, Seema and baby Lia. Photograph: Karen Robinson for the Observer